According to the Domestic Abuse Project the definition of abuse is a systematic pattern of behaviors in a relationship that are used to gain and/or maintain control and power over another.
There are four types of abuse:
Emotional Abuse | Physical Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Psychological Abuse

Myth: It's just a little tiff, all couples have them.

Fact: Violence by a man against the woman he lives with commonly includes rape, punching or hitting her, pulling her hair out, threatening her with a gun or a knife or even attempting to kill her. Often women who have been abused will say that the violence is not the worst of their experiences -it's the emotional abuse that goes with it that feels more damaging. (I agree wholeheartedly with this. I felt that, in my situation, the bruises and marks faded, but the blows to my self-esteem and self-worth were something that I still struggle with even now at times. It's hard to get statements like 'the only thing a man will ever want from you is sex', or 'you're insane, you have mental problems, I think you're bi-polar' out of your head).

Myth: It can't be that bad or she'd leave.

Fact: Women stay in violent relationships for many reasons ranging from love to terror. There are also practical reasons why women stay; they may be afraid of the repercussions if they attempt to leave, they may be afraid of becoming homeless, they may worry about losing their children. Some women who have experienced domestic violence just don’t have the confidence to leave. They may be frightened of being alone, particularly if their partner has isolated them from friends and family. If they leave, they may decide to go back because the children are really missing their dad, or because of fear and insecurity or because of a lack of support. Some women believe that their partners will change and that everything will be fine when they go home. Sometimes the separation does provide a catalyst for real change.

Myth: Domestic Violence only happens in working class families.

Fact: Anyone can be abused. The wives of doctors, lawyers, businessmen, policemen and teachers have all sought help as a result of domestic violence. Domestic violence crosses all boundaries including: age, sexuality, social and economic class, profession, religion and culture. Unemployment and poverty are circumstances which can of course be very distressing, especially to those trying to bring up children. However, unemployed and financially challenged people do not have a monopoly on domestic violence. Many people survive the misfortune of unemployment and poverty retaining dignity, good humor and a caring response to their families.

Myth: They must come from violent backgrounds.

Fact: Many men who are violent towards their families or their partner come from families with no history of violence. Many families in which violence occurs do not produce violent men. The family is not the only formative influence on behavior. Blaming violence on men’s own experience can offer men an excuse for their own behavior, but it denies the experiences of the majority of individual survivors of abuse who do not go on to abuse others. A violent man is responsible for his own actions and has a choice in how he behaves.

Myth: It's only alcoholics who beat their partners.

Fact: Domestic violence cannot be blamed on alcohol. Some men may have been drinking when they are violent but drink can provide an easy excuse. Many men who are violent do not drink alcohol. (My ex husband was sometimes drunk when he was violent, but there were plenty of time he hadn't had a drop of alcohol. It my experience, alcohol can sometimes escalate a violent encounter, but often alcohol is not involved).

Myth: She asked for it.

Fact: No one ‘deserves’ being beaten or emotionally tortured, least of all by someone who says they love them. Often prolonged exposure to violence has the effect of distorting perspectives so that the woman believes that she deserves to be hurt. It also distorts her confidence and some women may start to rationalize their partner’s behavior. Often, the only provocation has been that she has simply asked for money for food, or not had a meal ready on time, or been on the telephone too long. Women often blame themselves because they have been consistently told that the violence is their fault. (I remember one particular episode with my ex where I simply wanted the car for the day and offered to drive him to work and pick him up. It ended with me in the tiny space between the refrigerator and the counter in the kitchen on the floor terrified because he was in my face threatening me. Another episode was us sitting on the couch watching television and he suddenly decided it was a good idea to pinch my back hard enough to leave a big bruise and leave me in tears).

Myth: Stress causes violence.

Fact: Obviously some batterers experience stress, but stress does not cause abuse. Many men under severe stress do not batter. Even if the practitioner helps the batterer reduce his stress, the violence will continue or eventually resume because the batterer still feels entitled to assault his partner.

Myth: Domestic violence does not affect children.

Fact: Child abuse occurs in up to 70% of the homes where domestic violence occurs. When a parent is victimized by domestic violence, children are abused at a rate 15 times the national average.

Myth: After the woman leaves, the abuse stops

Fact: Separated women are three times more likely than divorced women, and 25 times more likely than married women living with their husbands, to be victimized by a batterer. Batterers frequently take advantage of court-ordered visitation to inflict harm on their former partners and their children. (After I left my exhusband and moved out, he would call my home whenever he pleased and, if I didn't answer it, would call repeatedly leaving aggressive messages).

Myth: Men have a right to discipline their partners. Battering is not a crime.

Fact: We no longer live under a society that affords men the right to physically chastise their partners. Women and children are NOT the property of men.

Please click this link to read an article about dispelling domestic violence myths by Professor Anthony Clare, Medical Director of St. Patrick’s Hospital, Dublin.