Domestic violence affects every member of the family, including children. Over three million children witness violence in their homes each year. Children react the this environment differently, usually depending on their age and gender. Research shows that children who live in violent homes are more likely to have behavioral, emotional, psychological, and physical problems. They are also more likely to have low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, temperamental, anger, and social problems as well.
When I was still with my ex-husband, I tried to keep our arguments and violent incidences away from my children. If I thought something had even the smallest chance of sparking my ex's violent behavior I would try my best to make sure the children were either asleep and we were being quiet, or that they weren't home at all. Of course, this didn't always work. The last big violent episode before I moved out ended up with 9 year old daughter in her room in tears and my 6 year old son in there with her trying to lock his father out of the room. I was one of the luckier ones in that my ex didn't beat our children and rarely did he turn his anger on them.
Potential Effects of Domestic Violence on Children Are:
grief for family and personal loss
shame, guilt, and self blame
confusion and conflicting feelings towards parents
fear of abandonment, or expressing emotions, the unknown or personal injury
anger
depression and feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness
embarrassment
acting out or withdrawing
aggressive or passive behavior
refusing to go to school
care taking; acting as a parent substitute
lying to avoid confrontation
rigid defenses
excessive attention seeking
bed wetting and nightmares
out of control behavior
reduced intellectual competency
manipulation
dependency
mood swings
isolation from friends or relatives
stormy relationships
difficulty in trusting, especially adults
poor anger management and problem solving skills
excessive social involvement to avoid home
passivity with peers and bullying
engaged in exploitative relationships as perpetrator or victim
problems sleeping, headaches, stomachaches
nervous, anxious, short attention span
tired and lethargic
frequently ill
poor personal hygiene
regression in development
high risk play
self abuse
Age Specific Indicators of Child Victim/Witness of Domestic Violence
From ACADV
Infants
basic need for attachment is disrupted
routines around feeding/sleeping are disturbed
injuries while "caught in the crossfire"
irritability or inconsolable crying
frequent illness
difficulty sleeping
diarrhea
developmental delays
lack of responsiveness
Preschool
somatic or psychosomatic complaints (illness caused by mental stress rather than a physical ailment)
regression
irritability
fearful of being alone
extreme separation anxiety
developmental delays
sympathetic towards mother
Elementary Age
facilitate between being eager to please and being hostile
verbal about home life
developmental delays
externalized behavioral problems
inadequate social skills development
gender role modeling creates conflict/confusion
Preadolescence
behavior problems become more serious
increased internalized behavior difficulties: depression, isolation, withdrawal
emotional difficulties; fear, shame, rage, confusion
poor social skills
developmental delays
protection of mother; sees her as 'weak'
guarded/secretive about family
Adolescense
internalized and externalized behavior problems can become extreme and dangerous: drug/alcohol, truancy, gangs, sexual acting out, pregnancy, runaway, suicidal
dating relationships may reflect violence learned or witnessed in the home
Statistics on Children and Domestic Violence
Each year an estimated 3.3 million children are exposed to violence against their mothers or female caretakers by family members.
Studies show that child abuse occurs in 30 to 60 percent of family violence cases that involve families with children.
A survey of 6,000 American families found that 50 percent of men who assault their wives, also abuse their children.
Research shows that 80 to 90 percent of children living in homes where there is domestic violence are aware of the violence.
A number one predictor of child abuse is woman abuse.
The more severe the abuse of the mother, the worse the child abuse.
Some 80 percent of child fatilities within the family are attributable to fathers or father surrogates.
In families where the mother is assaulted by the father, daughters are at risk of sexual abuse 6.51 times greater than girls in non-abusive families.
A child's exposure to the father abusing the mother is the strongest risk fact for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next.
Male children who witness the abuse of mothers by fathers are more likely to become men who batter in adulthood than those male children from homes free of violence.
Older children are frequently assaulted when they intervene to defend or protect their mothers.
In a 36-month study of 146 children, ages 11-17 who came from homes where there was domestic violence, all sons over the age of 14 attempted to protect their mothers from attacks. Some 62 percent were injured in the process.
