Sexual abuse is, for some, hard to define. There are people who still believe that you can not rape your spouse, or that sex is a wife's duty. That simply isn't true. Sexual abuse is any non-consenting sexual act or behavior. And that holds true between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, or any couple.
A couple of examples from my own personal experiences. Early in my marriage, trying to keep the 'heat' alive in the bedroom, I asked my then husband what his biggest fantasy was. He told me it was to be in a threesome; me, him, and another woman. For the rest of my marriage he constantly brought it up, pushing for it even after I said no. He went so far as to ask other women if they would consent to be the third person. Another time we discussed anal sex. We tried it and I did not like it at all. Even after telling him that I didn't like it, that it hurt, he still would often push for it, sometimes physically. Both of these examples are sexual abuse.
Sexual Abuse Includes Your Partner Forcing Sexual Activity When:
you indicate "no" and your limits are not respected
you are sleeping
you are drunk or high or otherwise unable to say no
you are afraid to say no
Or When Your Partner:
insists that you dress in more sexual way than you wish to dress
makes demeaning remarks about how you dress
makes demeaning remarks about your body or body parts
minimizes your feelings about sex
berates you about your sexual history; blames you if you were sexual abused in the past or as a child
criticizes you sexually (calls you things like "frigid", "whore", or "slut" for example
insists on touching you sexually when you do not want to be touched, whether alone or in the presence of others
calls you demeaning names
has affairs with other women, after agreeing to have sex with no one but you (abuser often flaunts affairs)
physically attacking sexual parts of your body (grabbing your breasts, pinching your buttocks, any touch that is unwanted)
forces you to perform any specific sexual acts that you do not want to do (for example, oral sex, anal sex, or acting out pornography
What To Do If You Have Been Raped
DO NOT SHOWER OR WASH YOUR HANDS OR ANY OTHER PART OF YOUR BODY OR BRUSH YOUR TEETH!!! Doing this destroys evidence.
If your attacker forces you to shower, try to not wash under your fingernails or clean the inside of your vagina. Doctors can check these areas for evidence, such as sperm and skin cells.
As soon as possible get to a safe place, away from your attacker.
Get to a hospital. You can phone the police from there.
After you've been released from the hospital, get counseling. RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Insest National Network) can help you with this. Go to www.rainn.org or call 1-800-656-HOPE(4673).
